03 Dec 2005
Last night, as I was heading to sleep, I flipped around the TV looking for something to watch. I don't generally watch a lot of random TV, as TiVo has kind of removed that from my life. But there I was, flipping from channel to channel, looking for inspiration and entertainment.
First I stumbled upon this wonderful little informercial for Sea Vegg, pills that contain sea weed/kelp. According to the creator of the product (Scott Kennedy), eating kelp is the reason that Japan is kicking our ass in math and science. Really. Kelp is the reason that all Asian people live so long! Here's the hook:
Humans cannot consume the seven rays of sunlight energy. Due to the miracle of photosynthesis, ocean plants consume both the Sun and the Sea. Healthy humans can then consume these powerfully potent plants which concentrate chemical energy from the Sun and the Sea. With Sea Vegg â„¢, you can feed your cells the most nutritionally potent and mineral rich family of plants on Earth.
See, we can't absorb the seven rays of sunlight energy! I'm assuming they mean the seven colors of the visible light spectrum, but, if i remember my science correctly, there's not really 7 "rays" -- it is a spectrum of wavelengths that changes gradually. So there's actually infinite rays! Where are my extra rays? Why do I get only 7? What a rip off!
Now, it's not to say there's not possible health benefits from eating kelp, just like eating any plant. It's quite possible that kelp's environment does give it certain benefits. But I just wanted to make fun of the informercial, as the guy came across as a borderline racist ("seaweed is why all Asian people look young ... it's a fact!") and I like to make fun of pseudoscience. Plus, when I tried to find any reviews of the product, everything I came across was written by either whack job super-hippies who claimed that it changed their lives, or by whack job religious nuts who didn't care what the science said, they'd seen it work first hand.
I think I'll conclude that Sea Vegg is a crock of shit.
Moving on, a couple of channels up the dial (ahh .. old timey TV vernacular) was Dr. Ho and his miracle massage system. Awesome, Dr.Ho! First, that's a pretty great name. Second, I love informercials when they get doctors on, as it's fun to guess what they are a doctor of and where they got the doctorate from. In this case, Dr. Ho is a Doctor of Chiropractic and Acupuncture. Rock on! So not really a doctor at all!
Now, I'm not going to knock massages or acupuncture. I love me a good massage, and I have no doubt they are helpful in making folks feel better. I know some people who swear that acupuncture works -- and it's possible that it does help in releasing tension in the same way a massage does. But as a health cure? Ehh .. the jury's kind of out.
I don't have as much contempt for Dr. Ho. He seemed like a nice guy. And he's Asian and looks really young, so he must eat kelp. That means he must be a genius! I take it back, I'm going to order me a double massage chair.
One last thing. On Dr. Ho's site, there's a link to testimonials, the usual "Nothing else worked, but oh lordy, your stuff makes me feel like a young hippie again." My favorite is this one though:
I want you to know I tried other massages with six electrodes thinking that six was better than two and nine volt batteries would last longer than the two "AAA" batteries. I bought the six electrode massage and tryed it,l was shock by the massager and put it in the return to sender box. l saw the DR-HO'S massager on MSN and I bought one to try because my kids started charging me for massages. WOW! I am hook on the feeling my DR-HO'S massager gives me. My kids have meet their match and I save money which gives me less stress. l bought the double massager so I would double my pleasure.The features I like the best are the Pocketsize, how long the batteries last,the timer,the massage modes,the electrodes are not in your way,the carring case,the relief I get from all and any pain I feel!!!
Glenn Contreras, Garyville, LA, USA
You know ... if I didn't already know what this person was talking about, I'd definitely think they were talking about a different kind of massager. Which makes the comment in the middle about the kids charging for massages make sooo much more sense.
In conclusion:
Thumbs Up!
Thumbs Down!
27 Nov 2005
Over at Mike Meiser's blog, he's got a post up commenting on a clip from the Arrested Development Season 2 DVDs (which I've mirrored here) with David Cross just railing on the Fox marketing team for being unable to bring viewers to a show that's won numerous awards. Mike then goes on to discuss the possibility of Arrested Development continuing on as an internet show (with iTunes possibly being one delivery mechanism ... but there are a billion ways to deliver television over the internet).
The point I wanted to make is that David Cross is right. How hard is it to get people to watch a show that has basically been called the greatest show on TV? How difficult is it to market something that is that successful? Just put it after The Simpsons and before Family Guy and let it be the funniest 90 minutes on TV. This isn't a failure of the show, it's a failure of Fox marketing (and a failure of the stupid people in America watching tripe like Nanny 911 and Trading Moms for Goats or whatever that show is.
It reminds me of the absolutely fantastic line that Aaron Sorkin put in the final episode of Sports Night. The storyline as the show ended vaguely mirrored real life, as Sports Night -- the critically acclaimed SportsCenter-type show running in 3rd place amongst sports networks -- was being sold by the network that owned it, much like the critically acclaimed Sports Night on ABC was running behind in the ratings and was in danger of being cancelled. The buyer of Sports Night, commenting on the show, said "Anyone who can't make money off of Sports Night should get out of the money-making business," an obvious shot at ABC for being unable to get the well written, well acted show, any traction.
Anyone who can't make money off of Arrested Development should get out of the money-making business.
27 Nov 2005
I just finished watching The Aviator, which I've had via Netflix for about 3 months. What can I say, I've been busy. While the movie was quite good, the absolute best part of it was Cate Blanchett's performance as Katherine Hepburn. I don't think there is another actress today who can so seamlessly flow from one performance to another, never making you say "hey look, it's Cate Blanchett playing a role" but always making you believe the part.
It's quite stunning, really. From Elizabeth where she played the titular (heh ... titular) character, to The Gift where she played a southern mother, to The Aviator, she simply outacts everyone around her.
Of course, I'm a little behind as she already won the Oscar, but I felt like sharing.
25 Nov 2005
I'm trying. Really, I am. Invasion, the show that airs after Lost, has a decent premise, some moderately interesting characters, and ok writing.
But the show is moving so damn slowly that I can't even get excited to watch it. Each week, you hope they're going to shine some light on the main mystery.
"Maybe we'll find out if there really are aliens this time!"
"Maybe we'll find out what the ultimate objective is!"
42 minutes later, the credits are rolling and the storyline has managed to double back on you, putting you right back where you started. It's not following the Lost/X-Files "answer some questions, only to open up brand new questions" model of storytelling. It's just not answering any questions, period.
Each week, I say to myself "I'll give it one more week."
I think this time I mean it. Invasion, you've got one more week.
22 Nov 2005
I've decided what I really need in life is a little application that runs on my laptop that's hooked up to my stereo. This would make iTunes think that my laptop was an Airport Express, and my laptop would show up as remote speakers in iTunes.
Then, I could play music on my main computer in part of my house, have it streamed over to the laptop going through my stereo, and I'd have the whole house covered. It would rock.
It must happen.
It might work via Remote Desktop, but I'm not sure how well the audio streaming works. I'll have to try it out. But I can't be the only person to think of this idea, right? Some enterprising young person must have already written this code and have it on a website for like $19.99 for me to buy, right?
Find me that person. Make me happy.
22 Nov 2005
Who puts raisins in coffee cake?
Seriously. Raisins suck. Ruining my nice breakfast.
19 Nov 2005
Pretty much everytime I go to a Dear Leader show, I leave happy. Last night at the Paradise was no different. The guys just put on a good show. It's the right mix of new stuff, old stuff, and "famous" stuff (since DL really only have one hit, and it's just a local one). They're just a fun band to watch, and they've got their stuff so tight now that you just notice how much they're in sync and play off each other. Definitely worth checking out whenever you get the chance. And, as always, they brought the house down with the live, full version of "A Nation Once Again", a song that really needs to get the full studio treatment.
Opening bands The Douglas Fir and Taxpayer were both quite good as well. The Douglas Fir I had never heard before, and they're a nifty little pop band that sounds vaguely Cure-ish or Smiths-ish. Taxpayer is a band I have seen before, and last time I liked them, but wasn't enamored. This time they blew me away. They sound like a poppier Interpol. Damn good stuff; I'll probably pick it up at Newbury Comics in the next couple of days.
18 Nov 2005
A couple of days back, I wrote about my first impression of Google Analytics and how it was a typical Google clusterf*** launch. Obviously, I was just one of a billion voices talking about the launch of GA and the troubles getting it to work, but having used it for a couple of days, it's pretty darn good (as expected, since it's just Urchin). Of course, for some reason, it doesn't seem to like me putting it on the blog. I'll figure that out later.
So, after a couple of days of thinking and arguing with people about why it's free (I'll explain), if it'll stay free (yes), and if it's going to make life hard for other web analytics businesses (yes, especially those that are priced ridiculously, like WebTrends), I think I've hit on why Google did Google Analytics. It's not groundbreaking, but it's logical: it's to serve the Google advertising market.
Google's been working on the ability to advertise on specific sites. Is there a better, more accurate way to judge a site's popularity, and what search terms actually lead to some sort of transaction/acquisition than via direct logging of it? Think of it this way: previously, Google could tell that you searched for something and went to a site, but couldn't tell anything beyond that, unless the client had installed the AdSense code to phone home to Google. But if it was a normal search term, and not search advertising? Google's blind to what the web visitor does after clicking the search link.
But ... what if that site has Google Analytics installed? Now Google knows what search term got you there (regardless of what engine you came from), and then where you went on the site. Did you go to a product page? Did you buy something? Did you abandon the site on the next page? Sure, it's a bit scary, but it's all data that's freely available to the website/web host. It's not like you had complete anonymity before (unless you were browsing with cookies off, and through a proxy, etc.)
Besides, it's not about you. It's about your clicks. In the long run, Google doesn't care who you are (though, eventually, the demographics might matter). Right now, they just want to tell a big advertiser "hey, looking to advertise your product, well, these five sites have the largest stickyness for people doing that search query across all engines, with 10% of them going on to purchase a product. We'll put your ad on those sites for a nominal fee, and we'll both get rich."
That's why it's free. Google Analytics is the Neilsen ratings of the web. Even moreso than the real Neilsen ratings. It'll be more accurate, more reliable, and, for Google, a huge competitive advantage over Microsoft and Yahoo! Google's going to give you a valuable service in exchange for your data. MS and Y! will have to figure out a way to capture similar data and give the published a bigger chunk of the revenue.
The rest of us get a handly web analytics tool to muck around with until Google goes out of business.
17 Nov 2005
Woo hoo. I'm quite excited.
Once again, I'll be checking out Dear Leader, this time live from the Paradise. Aaron Perrino's new band is quite good. You should come see them too.
Dear Leader (with Taxpayer and Douglas Fir) at the Paradise
16 Nov 2005
Over the weekend, word leaked out that Google was launching a free web analytics package. This was pretty cool news. If you've ever messed around with a web analytics product (WebTrends, ClickTracks, even Site Meter), you know you can get some handy information beyond just "5 people visited my site yesterday." At my last job, I spent a whole lot of my time using ClickTracks to do log analysis to try to determine how effective search campaigns were, if landing pages for marketing materials were working well, where people were falling out of the site when trying to sign up for one of the products they sold.
Now that I've moved on to my new job, I'm looking at web analytics from a different perspective -- trying to figure out how to deliver it to our customers. We've been looking at a couple of alternatives, to move beyond the standard "here are your logs, we'll run Webalizer for you, or you can do something yourself." When I heard about Google Analytics, I made a note to check it on Monday.
Monday rolls around and Google puts out the official announcement of Google Analytics. I get there early Monday morning and the site is swamped and barely responsive. Hmm. How can you underestimate demand for a free web product aimed at web users? I was able to get through and sign up to track some sites, and I threw the little bit of Javascript onto a couple of pages (not here, however; I want to give Google some time to settle down before I try tracking anything more substantive than a single page). It said to expect results in 12 hours.
12 hours later? Nada.
24 hours later? Nada.
36 hours later? Nada.
48 hours later? Holy crap, it works.
2 days to start returning statistics for something that launched on Monday. All the while, not a peep from Google, who have this bizarre affinity for not commenting when things aren't going well. You'd think they'd follow up on the GoogleBlog with a "Hey, we really underestimated demand, so we're adding servers as fast as we can. Expect it to be ready on Wednesday." Then I wouldn't have kept checking in and wondering why I should even consider using it.
Now, of course, why complain about something that's free? Well, because it's not free. Google is giving me a product in exchange for my data, which they use to grow their massive revenue. Gmail is free, and in exchange, they put ads next to my mail. The search engine is free, and in exchange, they put ads next to my search results. My former blog home of Blogger is free, and in exchange, they get a place to put more ads. See where I'm going? None of it is free. Google is making billions from people's data. So it is not too much to expect them to get something right the first time. And why does blowing the first impression matter? Because right now, I'm helping to decide if we're going to point thousands of customers to Google for advanced analytics. Thousands of customers = lots of data for Google to gain more revenue from. Just because they launch these "free" web apps doesn't mean that they don't lose potential revenue when they have such awful launches (see Google Groups, Google Reader, Google Mail).
In the end, it looks like it's a pretty damn solid product. It's got all your normal metrics, in a handy interface (a good use of Flash, for a change). It seems to track everything you'd normally want to track, and the only downside is that you're sending your data out to Google. That could be a bit scary for companies who are doing eCommerce and what not (though they wouldn't have
to put the Javascript snippet on that page). For me, it's a minor haggle to get good web metrics, something I'll probably pay more attention to when I've finally built out the site a bit more.